Everyone Loses It

On the way home from school mum called my phone.

"Hey I'm going to pick up pies at the farm can you come with me so we can get the discount?"
"Sure but can I eat something first?"
"I need to get Aisling to violin practice at 3:00."
"Well I want something to eat before we go..."
"Fine then I just won't go"
*Call Ended

I wasn't even going to bother. She was obviously just raring to be a bitch today. But I figured she would just be ready to leave when I got home so I could quickly grab something before we headed out... nope.

She wasn't home. I sent her a message asking where she was and she responded that she was dropping Aisling off at violin. I told her I'd be waiting to leave when she got home but she never responded.

When she did enter the house, right away there was commotion.
"No because he had to eat!"

I rushed downstairs to defend myself.
"It could have taken me all of 20 seconds to eat something mom! I could have just grabbed something and ate it in the car! It's not like I had to sit down and have a huge fucking meal!"

"Well with you I don't know what you want!"
"Okay then let's go get the pies now."
"No. Forget it! We just won't get any pies for Thanksgiving and you can just try explaining that to your father!"
I was walking up to my room but kept talking. "Oh yes because it's my fault you don't want to get off your ass and get them!"
"Now I'll just do everything around picking the little one up at violin and hockey and the million other--"
"Just pisser off!"

I sat up in my room, hoping to end this nonsense, but of course mum was just looking for something else she can yell at.
"Who drank all the milk?"

I went back downstairs to fight her off once more, mumbling to myself as I walked down the stairs... "Shit, mum, it's not like the milk is meant for us to just look at. Why don't you buy more milk instead of bitching about how we keep drinking it every week?..."

"I had one freaking cup of it!" Kavanaugh was fighting off mum now.
"You didn't have to use all the milk in that drink, though!"
It all fit in one cup didn't it?
"Fine I'll go out and get more milk!"
"No! Forget it! I'll add it to my list of things as well! Don't bother!"

"Well why the fuck not?" Amy chimed in at mum, obviously noting her incredible idiocy in just trying to make things more complicated for herself.
"I know! I'm offering to help out but what doe sit do to not let us?" Kav input again.
Amy added, "I have a car too, mum! I'll get the pies and Kav can get the milk! Stop trying to make things even fucking worse on yourself and then get mad at us for making you do all this!"
She walked out of the kitchen with her bag, which made mum assume she was leaving?
"Where do you think you're going?"
Amy really laid it out. "I'm just putting my stuff away! Calm the fuck down, mum!" She stopped. "No, you REALLY need to calm down!"

Mum walked into the dining room and pointed at a pile of stuff in the corner of the room and looked at me.
"Is that your belt? How many times have I asked you to pick it up? Huh? How many times?"
I stared at her in disbelief and then said, "It was one fucking time, mum!" As I picked up the belt.
"No! Every time I pass that table I tell you to pick it up and you never do!"
"Bullshit!" I snapped back. I held the two end of the belt, barely refraining from whipping her with a good snap of the leather.
"And take that hat with you, too! You people leave all your shit just laying around here! And you just ignore me whenever I tell you to pick it up!"
I twisted the belt tightly in my hands. Mum had fire in her eyes, and I swear if she had laid a finger on me she was going to get a nice blister across her face from my little leather buddy. But I just left.

"Fine, I'm going upstairs. But don't ask for any help with anything since you obviously don't want it."

As I was writing this post, I overheard Abby come home with a friendly "Hellooooo!" to mum.
"Don't start I'm in no fucking mood." She just sat on the couch with her arms crossed. So this is what happens when she knows she's lost a battle.

But don't think the family's at each others' throats because of this. After an hour or so mum called me back down.
"Come on, we're getting the pies now."

Live.

Gotta take another break

Sorry. No time for blogging. I can possibly get a post in tomorrow but right now my schoolwork is in the red and I just can't find the time right now to do it.

Fuck!

GSA

Yeah. Thanks to Nick I finally made it around to tone of those damn meetings. And just like the last time I dropped in on a meeting, it was an extra special day. Apparently there was going to be a bunch of teachers meeting who are going to be a part of the Gay Straight Alliance.

I was surprised to find that My English teacher was even here. And even more surprised to find my History teacher as well. I never talked about her before but she is one of the nicest teachers I have ever had. She's probably one of the only educators who gives a shit about her students. If it wasn't for her, I'd be getting a C- in her class instead of the A.

Greg, my English teacher whose name I finally knew thanks tot he meeting, had been a strong supporter of the GSA for the entire 12 years it had been around. Pretty long time for a club with such a small amounts of students.

One year the club got no participants at all so the instructor stopped announcing it in the mornings. Unfortunately that year a student had committed suicide. It was later found out that he killed himself because his life was tormented by anti-gay bullies. The instructor felt so guilty that she had stopped because maybe if the boy had heard that there was someplace where he could go then maybe his life wouldn't have been cut short. And from that day on the club has been promoted every two weeks.

After the meeting we all sat down in the lobby to wait for our rides home. I snuck up behind Nick and gave him a hug around the shoulders. He freaked out because he was falling off balance.

"Whoa! Don't tip me over. If you do I'll kill you."

"Oh yeah?" I grabbed him. "I dare you! I double dare you motherfucker!" It would have sounded cooler if I wasn't laughing so hard. I tipped him back so my arms were the only thing keeping him up. He squealed, shouting for me to put him back and not let go. And when I did I just hugged him to prevent any revenge plots :3

It was then that Nick saw his dad's truck parked out front so we quickly kissed goodbye and left.

*reaches into pocket and pulls out small red capsule* FUCK! I never took my meds! Tomorrows gonna suck...

Live.

Guess I Got that Kiss After All

Yays! A Day to Remember has finally released their new album "What Separates Me from You". And since Rhapsody just doesn't feel as good as personally bought songs I plan to march over to Newbury Comics and demand a copy, and not take no for an answer! RAWR!

It's Complicated - A Day to Remember

Nick isn't letting up on trying to get back together with me. And now I actually considered doing it, too. But then again, why should I after he left me for someone else, who even I knew would turn on him. I guess my friendship isn't enough for him, though.

But here's the bug... He only seems to be able to talk to me seriously over Facebook and text messages. So I told him if he could grow the balls to try and convince me to take him back in person, then I might consider it. So I pretty much screwed him on that one...


Or did I?

"Christian can you come with me? I need to talk to you." Nick was standing behind me at lunch today.

Oh shit... He's really doing this?

He pulled me into the back hallway and waited for a few people to walk by before beginning... "Look, I can't say more than I'm sorry. Going back to Eli was the biggest mistake I've made--"
"Damn right it was."

"You know, first it was Griffin, then Eli who is just... Never again. And then you. You were the one that made me the happiest. You cared the most. And I still love you.

Aw fuck...

"But you could be saying this to anyone. I mean... you left me since Eli wanted you back. And then that fucked over so you come back to me and expect me to not know that? How do I know you won't just slip out on me for the next best thing again?"

"You have to just trust me on this. I promise things will be different."

*sigh*... You're on thin ice, though.

"Fine... I guess I can take you back."

Hey, I thought about this harder than you'd think. This talk wasn't really all I took in to consider this. I said before, I'm one who believes in second chances and learning from the times we fucked up. And I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't at least give Nick another chance. And that's the one thing I refuse to be.

I may not be making the best decision here. This may be a mistake. But hey, I'll learn from it. Because, if things really aren't going to work between us, then at least I'll know... And why would you not want to know? (By the way the quote was from the season finale of Weeds this past Monday).

We left each other with a hug. "Thank you," Nick said. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, but he turned his head and put his lips to mine and shared a true kiss with me. This is different than my kiss with Ian... Better.



After school I met up with Bagels Ian and Rita to hang out at Rex' house. Though when we got there it seemed Rex wasn't home. So we just sat and talked on his couch until he came.

When he arrived we went down to his basement where he dropped off materials for some project he was working on. We went back upstairs to his room, which by the way had absolutely no room whatsoever, along with the rest of the house. Honestly, the place was a pig-sty.

"What are you looking for?" said our friend Eli (for those who don't remember, he was the DJ at Overworld with the pink mohawk.) He apparently just let himself in like me, Ian and Rita.

"My needle," Rex replied. He was going to sew a hole in Ian's shirt.
"Where did you leave it?"
"...In my bed."

We all burst into laughter. Of all the places to leave a thin needle xD...

We sat and talked while Rex sewed away on a now shirtless Ian's shirt. And even when the job was done he didn't let Ian put ti back on, not that he cared anyway.

We set up a movie about some ridiculous superhero crew which was just so lame it was funny. Though about 20 minutes into it we got hungry and decided to make sandwiches. But these were no ordinary sandwiches.

We combined peanut butter, strawberry jam, eggs, and tomato ketchup all into one sandwich snack. Now, I know it sounds gross but since everyone seemed to love it I thought it couldn't be so bad...

Or maybe even delicious. It was one of the best things I had ever eaten! The jam and the ketchup went so well together! And the eggs just added extra taste to it. The discovery of this insanity was actually just some hilarious joke.

Some time not long ago Ian and Rex were looking for a little something extra to put in plain peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Rex, however had a list of food that were off limits to use. It was such a long list that Ian joked and said,

"Well what CAN we use?" He then walked over to the find to find the most ridiculous things to use. And he pulled out, of course, eggs and ketchup. Long story short they discovered a great yet not profitable sandwich that day.

After eating I had to leave since mum wanted me back at the house this late. So we all hugged goodbye and agreed that I should be part of their little dysfunctional family and meet with them again after school sometime.

"If Rita remembers what with her Alzheimer's."
"Hey!"

Live.

I'm Burning!

Hey I got my report card today! I know I already had a pretty god idea of what my grades were but the only clear ones were Algebra and English. So here it is ^_^

(Click picture to enlarge)

The notice for my 504 plan came in the mail yesterday. After I give it to the guidance counselor I'll start getting all of my school assignments on paper. How sweet is that? Not really worth losing my hearing, though. :\

I was gonna give it to the guidance counselor but when I went into the office nobody was there except some lady who I would have left the notice with but she was on a long boring phone call. I was gonna be late for math and I kind of felt awkward standing in her doorway like some pet wondering why their bowl is empty.

Looks like my cuts opened up again in HVAC since they stung like hell throughout the day. I had to wash them constantly to keep the dirt and grease out of them.

I had finished the class project early so me and Victor were assigned to remove the solder from already made projects from other students so he could re-use some pieces. While melting the solder with the blowtorch I accidentally lit the rag in my other hand on fire. I threw it to the ground and stepped on it and continued torching until I was done. I dropped the pipe on the floor and picked up the rag.

"AAAH!" I threw the towel to the ground and stomped on it once more, this time twisting my foot to make sure it was out this time. I looked at my hand and saw a splotch of red skin where I burned my hand. I laughed it off since it didn't hurt enough for me to see it as serious. I bent over and picked up the pipe to bring it over to the table...

"Gah! Dammit, You piece of sh--!" I put my hand in my mouth to muffle my cussing. Stupid me forgot that the pipe was still burning hot. I rinsed it under cold water and came back into the room. I paused for a second before bursting out in laughter at the situation. Since he knew it was okay, Sam confessed that he giggled at my reaction to the burn.


"You played Truth or Dare with Luke?" Abby said as she walked into my room later today.

Oh shit! Scott must have told her about the weekend where I kissed Luke in truth or dare!

"Luke told me you dared him to take his pants off?"

*Phew* I thought I was done. Last weekend we played Truth or Dare again along with a couple other people whose names I didn't bother to ask. But wait...

"I didn't dare him to do that, it was someone else." One of the stranger kids dared him to do that. I just simply cracked a joke encouraging him to do so.

"He was afraid you had a crush on him or something." She said. I laughed at that to avoid suspicion that I actually do like him. And afraid? Doesn't sound like Luke. If anything he knows I have a crush on him. And if I did he wouldn't be "afraid". I assume it was just to cover his mysterious sexuality to her. After all, people are quick to point gay fingers at anyone who is cool with homosexuality. *sigh*

"I told him 'No way'. 'Cause I mean, he's like, 12... 13?" So what? Age isn't a boundary to me... For some reason I wish she said yes, just so he could know. He ought to anyway. Because...

(Anyone wanna guess the reference?)

Live.

Burns, Blisters, and Scrapes

Ugh... My daily migraine. Why can't it start until I at least get home so I can take some medicine?


Nick tried to get me back. He asked me if I would go back out with him but I first asked him why he dumped me in the first place. His response was that he had gotten another chance with his ex-boyfriend Eli. And since that didn't work out he came back to me.

Is he really that stupid? He thought that was just okay? Why in the world would he think that he could just come right back to me because things didn't work out with another boy FOR THE SECOND TIME?

I told him I'm nobodies second place and that the idea that he would even have the nerve to tell me that is just horrible.

All I see in him is just a stupid kid who wants a trophy boyfriend. He doesn't care about the boy, he just cares what other people think of him. And he's a dreamer. He wants to live on the moon, which I told him is impossible since he'd freeze to death.

He talked of having his own private helicopter which he could have a pilot to take him wherever he wanted. All on the salary of being an electrician.

I didn't want to be cold with him though so I at least offered him friendship. He still hasn't replied.


Guess who I saw at work on Sunday? I was pushing carts and I saw Hanry step out of a piece-of-shit sedan with who I assume was his father. I would have said hello but I was on the other side of the lot. But when I was dropping a load of carts into the corral his car stopped in front of me waiting for me to pass by. So I waved and he waved back.

Though he also giggled and gave me an awfully strange smile. I hope it meant something ;3


Sunday night I got a phone call. Apparently Eli, Nick's two-time ex, wanted to ask me out. He was too nervous to ask me himself so he had his friend tell me that he thought I was awfully cute and blah blah blah.

"Look I hardly know you..."
"You don't think I'm cute?" Eli was back on the phone.
"Well I'm not gonna say that." I couldn't be mean to him, and he really is pretty cute. "You're just not my type."

So then we just had a casual conversation about some boys we thought were cute and other sorts of gossip. So at least I made a new friend.


Boys, boys, boys...


Today was the start of another shop week. Now we were in HVAC (Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning). So it was kind of chilly in there but thankfully I had a sweatshirt.

I learned that I'm pretty damn good with a blowtorch today. Though I'm not so good at leaving hot objects alone. When I was finished welding and soldering some copper pipes I accidentally tapped the hot pipe it my forehand, leaving a nice little burn on my ring finger... Still stings X(

And I sliced the rest of my hands up pretty nicely, too. At the end of the day my hands all-around stung with open wounds. And I have to endure the burns and blisters again tomorrow. Fuck my life...

Now I'm off to Gamestop to pick up the new Call of Duty. Though I'm not allowed to play it since my grades for first term didn't meet daddy's standards. I got C's in English and Math, a B+ in History, and A+ in Latin, and still no records from Chemistry.

Compared to midterms I went up an entire letter grade in each of my classes. If that's not good enough for Dad then he needs to just piss off and be glad that I improved greatly.

Live.

Whoops!

I was supposed to post wasn't I? Yeah sorry, got held up on Skype with awesome people :3

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.

ADD is awesome ^_^. Anyway, MARLEEEEEENE!!! NO! Whoops, this isn't about The Big C is it? (But that was my reaction to last night for those who know what I'm talking about.)

I think I get distracted too much. We get a math packet to work on, and we have to get it in by the end of the day to the teacher. So 3rd period I go to History where we have a sub so I decide to get it done there. Nope. I spent the whole class writing notes back and forth to Rita.

4th period. Study. No way I can get distracted. Guess again. I spent the class talking to Rita and listening to Three Days Grace on her i-pod and then using mine to listen to some Placebo.

Lunch! I can get it done here! No... No I can't. I was called over to my old acquaintances Andrew, Ricky, Doug, Frankie, Billy, Jayquon, and Alex. Andrew told me some stupid trap Alex fell into to make him say he was gay (yeah, another gay joke.) So then I tell them about my gaydar and use it on every one of them, of course making up half the shit I said.

Ricky: Straight but cool

Frankie: Straight but will have a drunken fling with some guy in college... And accept a blowjob form Doug sometime during sophomore year.

Doug: Closet case who's gonna come out to Frankie first and maybe only and then give him some sweet, sweet head.

Billy: Absolutely queer (and not making this up) but doesn't realize it yet.

Jayquon: ....No. No no no....

Alex: ... Faggot*

Andrew: Didn't answer that one. Too hard to tell

3 Girls at the next table: ... Total Lezbots! >:D

*Excuse my use of the word faggot. I use it sometimes toward gay people I hate.... Wow that doesn't really help my case, does it? And Alex isn't gay... He's too much of a douche.

5th period was Science so no hope in doing work there, same with 6th in Latin.

Last period! Gotta finish it. I can afford to sit out in gym for once... Then again Badminton is just so much fun.

"Don't worry, Christian just turn it in when we get back in school." Rita told me as we left. It wasn't so much as getting it in on time as the fact that I didn't do any of it at all. Like, shit! Am I really that bad of a procrastinator that I just say "Fuck it" in the end?

I hate this. But you know what? None of it matters as long as I know what I'm doing in the class...

Shit I don't even know how to do any of this crap...

Check one for "I'm totally fucked"

Live.

PS: I have a super long weekend now. No school until Monday, so there might not be a post unless something comes up.

Boo!

Hey everyone. Sorry for leaving without any notice. Guess I should've said something. Anyway...
I took a break form blogging since I had been feeling like absolute shit for the past week. But I enjoy the company of blog buddies and didn't want to be out for too long. So where was I? Let's see what's happened in the past week or so...

I got a message from Henry on Facebook. It was awfully interesting...


Guess what he was talking about? Yeah, I'm so good I can even get straight boys :P
The thing I noticed was how he was all "why not?" so it seemed like he didn't give a shit. But when I joked about it he kept serious because he really wanted an answer. So I guess he cares more than he wants to show. Thing is I haven't seen him since Saturday so I'll just have to wait for my chance next time we see.

What else has been going on? Oh right. Misha and Griffin broke up today. Griffin told her that he didn't think he was good enough for her and said that she deserved better than him. But honestly, Misha's out of EVERYONE'S league. I mean, she's talented, nice as hell, good looking, and she can kick serious ass with 4 different fighting styles. And I can say this when I don't even like girls!

And Misha really loved him. She said Griffin was having one of his mood-swing days where his emotions are on the rise. I call it... puberty. Either way, now she's upset and everything's a mess with them. But at least (according to their attitudes on Facebook) they're not all around miserable. Just fairly upset as any break-up would do.

Ugh... Straight people.

I'm getting more into more constructive ways to spend my time. I've been working on a peace-sign lamp I started in the Carpentry shop and wired in Electrical. I spent a whole night just rubbing it down with sand paper. Now I have it all set up to paint which I plan on doing on my extra long weekend.

I've also been drawing paper stick figures to interact with my bedroom. Some them include one Tarzan swinging on my light chain-switch , pole dancing on my radio antennae, and hanging on my TV shouting "Help! I'm slipping!"
(There's also two screwing behind my bookshelf. Don't tell mum!)

I left some in my classes today actually. I left one on my chair in English for the next class with his arms crossed and saying: "Go ahead. Sit on me. I DARE YOU!" I left one sitting at the edge of my desk in Latin, just enjoying the view of cute boys ;). And I left one in study laying on top of a computer with his chin on his hands. Below it was a word bubble saying, "What'cha readin'?" Read in a cute bored tone.

My arts and crafts may be slowed down since I recently bought Left 4 Dead 2 for my PC so much of my free time will be going towards that.

I think you're all up to date. Tomorrow is my last day of school before a 5 day weekend. Yes! No academics! Even better is after shop week I'll be in school for only another two days of academics before Thanksgiving break. So I'm only getting 4 academics days this whole month ^_^

Surely I will post again tomorrow. Good to be back :)

Live.

Stress

This school was just built for stress. I mean, not only do colleges expect more out of students from this particular school but it's just so much more fucking work, too! Honestly, you should see how many kids smoke in this school. The second parking lot may have been to fit more cars but there must be a reason why smoking is allowed in that lot too even though the school owns it.

I thought my headaches were just a side effect from the Concerta but I went a week without the meds and still came home from school with my head throbbing. My grades suck so I'm gonna have to hear about it from dad even though I already know everything he's gonna say and how I should have taken more steps to improve my grades but I just can't bring myself to do it when the day has just worn me out to the point where I stagger to Amy's car when the day is over.

I yell at my own shit for being too heavy and just throw it across the room. Sometimes I can't even get it off me I'm just so drained. I lay face down on my bed for endless minutes before I finally get up to eat something, in hopes for more energy. Nope. Not good enough.

Today I tell my shop teacher (today was carpentry) that I need to pick up my classwork for tomorrow from English and Math since I'm getting my ears checked out at the hospital that day. At 2:10 he tells me to go at 2:20. In ten minutes I forgot about it completely. Now I don't know what I'll need to make up and I just know I probably won't end up doing it anyway since I'm just so fucking trashed every god damned day!

I need to do something to relax myself. My head just wants to explode.

Live.

Um... Shit... No?

It wasn't something I'm proud of. And I don't know if I regret it. Did I like it? Everything but my brain tells me yes. I'll start form the beginning.


First off I want to say to my readers that I'm definitely over Nick now. I found out that just recently he got back together with another boy who he kept telling me while we were dating that he hated him. Obviously, he's just a slut. And a very bad one, too.

Now, this Saturday I decided to go to Eric's hangout anyway, even though Nick wasn't going to be there after we broke up. Surprisingly, along with a few others, Amanda was there as well. So I had good fun with them. At one point we even had a cake fight and took the two cakes we brought to this hangout at the park and hit each other in the faces.

At around 9:00, we were greeted by an old friend of ours named Henry. We went to middle school with him and him and I actually became pretty good friends. So it was good company to have him. Of course I hit on him though, even though I knew he was straight.

Nowadays Henry is a druggie, smoking weed when he gets the chance. And when he can't get weed, he'll take over-the-counter drugs like Tylenol or Advil since he discovered that a little extra dose of Ibuprofen will get you high. He asked me a couple times if I wanted to try it but I figure I'll stay clean.

We eventually went to Henry's house because he was gonna claim he had a headache to score some Ibuprofen. Me, Amanda, and Eric ended up in a three person hug against Henry's house. At one point I felt a bit of a touch between my legs. Eric. Was he doing what I think he was doing? Yet for some reason I didn't stop him. No one noticed anyway.

After about 10 minutes Henry wasn't coming back out so we up and left for CVS. When we got there I picked up a water and Amanda got some gummies for us to share. After those gummies I didn't feel so well, so I went to sit behind the store to be alone and ready to vomit. Though soon after I left, Eric followed. He sat down next to me.

"You okay?" He asked.
"Nah, I feel like shit."
"Something wrong?"
"Those life-savers. Not settling well."

There was a long awkward pause. And Eric obviously wanted something by the look in his eyes.

"If you're gonna grab my dick then grab my dick," I told him.
"Okay."

Amanda and our friend Adam were wandering too close so I stood up.
"Come on," I said. And I led him back behind a brick wall by the town High School.

10 minutes later...

"Eric," I said as I began to walk back towards our friends who were probably wondering where we were. "This never happened, okay?"

"Gotcha. Hey, why can't we go out?"
"I just wouldn't work."
"Well, could we be like... Friends with benefits?"
"I don't know."

"Hey," Eric asked after about 20 paces. "Was I... Good?"
"I don't know," I told him, starting to feel emotion overwhelm me.
"Well... Did I do it right? Did you like it?"
"I don't know!" I shouted at him. I felt bad for snapping at him just then, but not enough to apologize.

One last time, I said, "Remember, this NEVER happened."
"Okay."
"Not anyone. Not Amanda, not even the friend who you ca keep and secret with. Because you can't trust anyone with secrets. And they will know anyway which is enough."
"Got it," he said one last time.

Live.

(No Monday post. Not much happened. If you haven't already Friday's post is up and you can read it now.)