Why we don't have Plastic Knives

The only thing Blogger can't do is let you reply to comments. Why would they skip something so obvious?


Ah, the morning shift. So quiet and cool and no harsh sun blinding you just yet. It's the best. Didn't start off so great because when I clocked in I grabbed the wrong card. Luckily Danielle was able to fix things. And on top of that, I got to push carts. Now I know I said I hated pushing carts but when it's the first thing in the morning I felt like I wanted to do it all day. And I got to help some nice people.

Okay, some old bitch was overdue to drop dead today. First, she wants this thing in that bag and these things in those bags and don't forget the zipper. Then halfway through she asks me if it was my first day, and I hadn't even done anything wrong.

"No, actually I've been here for a while now."
"Well I'm gonna teach you how to do it right."
Who's the damn employee here?
"I know a lot about food since I work at a bakery."
Yeah, you're the one who does the shopping.
"And besides you're young and there's a certain age where..."
Shoot me, please...

She took about 10 minutes to deal with and kept 3 customers waiting irritably behind her. And after we were finished, she said thank you to the cashier and that she's a very good worker. She then walks past me and says:

"You still have a lot to learn and should keep learning every day."
And you should fall in a ditch.

She then proceeded to tell me some useless fact about the differences between fruits and vegetables, at which point I'm just trying to shoo her out of here without taking a broom to the side of her head. So I put on a "fuck you" smile and said:

"Oh really, I didn't know that!"
"Keep learning! Bye!"
"Bye!" And don't let the door break your hip on the way out.

Me and the cashier looked at each other in agreement over her cuntiness, while I flipped her the bird in my head.

"You guys wouldn't happen to have any utensils, would you?" Someone was asking us as she was checking out. I grabbed our little box of forks and spoons and she took a fork. "Oh, you don't have knives?" The cashier said we weren't allowed to keep them behind the counter and that they were in the bakery.

"Why not? It's not like we're going to stab a bitch or something," I joked. But I guess I was wrong. The very next customer was another uptight bitch. Trying to organize her food in different bags and when she was trying to tell me where everything went she kept going,

"Only these items in here. Only these items. Only these items. Only these items. Only these items..."

I had to grip the counter to keep from taking her mini pumpkins and force-feeding them to her.

So clearly, loooong day. At least I was able to get a couple bucks as a tip for helping someone load their car to buy a Raspberry Lime-Rickey on my break. Tasted. Like. Rainbows.

Live.