Today just started off so perfect. I was able to get up, straighten my hair without any issues, eat, take the pill, and check my messages with time still left over. I was totally awake, too! (And I looked fabulous ;) teehee) I found Rita and Misha right when I entered the building and joined as we chatted with Ian (bagel boy as Rita insists on calling him). I don't know if Ian is gay or not. I mean, when I first saw him I immediately thought so but there weren't really any other signs. Though I did notice when Rita, Misha, and I left him that another boy greeted him with a hug and they held each other very close as they chatted.
We did peer reviews in English, which made me realize that even after editing my essay, it was still a load of shit. I've always been good at writing. Thing is I can really only write stories and the only time I ever write anything like an essay is just a comment on an article or thread on Reddit.
Andrew came up to me and told me he knew of a gay Russian boy who recently came out to everyone. Glad you're staying true to your word on laying back on the gay tease. But since it was still a gay Russian boy I was at least a bit curious.
At lunch I later realized that the boy was apparently Griffin's new boyfriend. I was expected to be jealous but he really wasn't my type. Curse me and my liking shorter boys :\ some people think it's ridiculous I don't like tall boys but hey we all have our kinks. Again a boy came over to our table at lunch and wrapped his arms around Ian, forcing me to put my gaydar on 'silent'.
I finally got around to transferring out of the music class I was in, swapping ti for a study. I also had time to hand in my form to my English teacher so I can play Golf, since he apparently also has time to coach Golf. I personally would shoot myself.
Mum offered to let me attend CCD (Sunday school for people who don't have time on Sundays if you didn't know). I noted that if I were to attend, I would most likely be thrown out for rudeness and being a non believer, but it would be a fun time. But I figure I shouldn't ruin the teacher's day.
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Now to my little, sort of, kinda big problem. I've had a recent habit, or more like obsession with eyeliner. Every time I get the chance, I steal some of my sister's eyeliner, and apply it and inspect my work before washing it off. I wanted to take a picture today but mum came home as soon as I was finished so I had to remove it quickly. Probably not the thing I should be making a big deal out of, and I'm not, but I know my folks would.
My mom is all okay with me being gay, even though she still doubts I am since I don't "act gay". It angers me when she thinks things like that but I guess she's just uninformed. Anyway, the one thing she doesn't want from me is to start going "drag". Now I know this is a minor thing and of course I know plenty of hetero boys do it, too. The only problem is, since my mom knows I'm gay if I were to tell her I wanted to wear eyeliner, she would relate it to my sexuality in some way.
All these little (and some bigger) things like these make me regret coming out to her. Then again it was inevitable for everyone but her to know and it was best she hear it form me than one of her friends who overheard her kid say something. If she didn't know I was gay, she would probably just think it was silly. Now if I were to ask, it would be way more serious with her.
Lets not forget Dad. There is no way he would be okay with this. But since me and mum keep a lot of things secret from him, I hope this could be one of those things as well. It may be difficult but maybe I could just wear it when I go out and he never has to know.
I have all these ideas running through my head, and as it is not a life changing decision, I just want to know if anyone has any ideas of how to approach this.
You should use a little eyeliner when you go out, it can look great. It would do your mom good to see you wear it, help her accept you for who you are. It doesn't mean you're about to become a drag queen, just a guy who wants to look good. But the more you do it the more likely your dad is to find out. You have to decide if it's worth the risk.
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